Hey!!!
Last entry for today. Promise. Been wanting to put this entry since goodness know when, so today will be it.
And don't get me wrong. I am not a... manizer.. (opposite of womanizer). Men DON'T revolve around me. Or me around them. Not least, not in this reality.
That is why I love the fantasy. It is MY world. MINE to command. I can twist stuff to my liking. Haha. A big meanie, am I?
I know I gush about lots of guys in my entries... so it's time to ... put them in a list, and take note... in NO particular order. Don't wanna make them all jealous, now can I? (winks)
- Jean-Claude
- Asher
- Angel
- Dean Winchester
- Legolas
- Lu Xun
- Zhou Yu
- Ling Tong
- Sun Ce
- Jr. / Rubedo
- Lavi (D-Grayman)
- Allen Walker
Erm... not that many... Wait... there are propably some I have forgotten. (Oops... sorry... didn't mean to...) Hehe... But right now, the ones in my list are my personal favorite!!
If you ask me to choose... I don't know which one to choose from. Really. I will just end up take them all!! Because there is NO way I will NOT take any of them. (grins) I am greedy, I know. Haha!
(becomes solemn) At least I know that these guys will not hurt me in any way. They will be there for me whenever I need them, without complaint, without hesitation. They will let me drool all over them and they will not be mad at me. Great huh?
Not exactly. Because true, they might have heard my silent pleas for help, my pain, but there isn't a thing they can do to ease them away. Except that whenever I think of them I will start grinning away like an idiot... if the pain isn't that sharp. But other than that, they could not offer me any words of solace, not like what my best friends can do. Right here, in reality.
But these guys are one of many of my different motivations to hang on, hold on, move on. I compared my life with theirs, (as in Dean's... no idea we have sooo much in common) If he can still lives on after what Sam had done to him, why can't I live on after what my sister had done to me?
True, you may think that I have taken things too far... melding fantasy with reality, but if that is one way for me to cope with the harshness of life without backing down, then so be it. Fantasy is but a temporary respite, a short relief from the pain of reality. Don't worry. I won't run away from reality, from life. I know it is fruitless, futile, useless. There's no way I can hide, either. Not forever. But I can, only for a moment. And I will withdraw in MY world, heal, prepare myself then come back out to reality.
I am not running away. I am just dealing with reality the way I can. My way.
Warmest Regards
Me
When I am attacked by gloomy thoughts, nothing helps me so much as running to my books. They quickly absorb me and banish the clouds from my mind.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)